In mid-July, a Kisii University Student killed his ex-lover from Moi University in Kenya by stabbing her several times.
Roommates of the late university lass revealed the bitter young man could not move on with his life after his relationship with the slain girl got tart and so decided to take the young woman’s life.
The sad news made headlines across news platforms in the country, with many questioning what can drive a promising young man to take the life of his ex-partner.
Citizen Digital delved into this issue, and sought out an explanation to this from Shadrack Kirunga; Deputy Dean of Students at Multimedia University, and also a counseling and relationship expert.
Mr Kirunga admitted cases of couples taking one another’s life out of love gone sour have been on the rise, especially among the youth.
He, however, said it is not a problem unique to only young people but also older adults.
Emotional Immaturity
Mr Kirunga revealed emotional immaturity is the main reason why young people fail to control their anger.
“Young people are affected more because of lack of emotional immaturity, inability to deal with issues at that level and pressure. Now, issues of finances are also cropping up. Students live off each other – mix of love and financial provision. Whenever there are relational challenges, they are not purely relational; there would be other issues that would be involved; maybe finances,” he explained.
A History of Violence
At times, family history comes into play.
We learn a lot from our families, at times without knowing. A person who grew up in a home where violence was normalised is more likely to resort to violence in the face of conflict.
“Some people have never known the proper way of solving issues. Maybe they grew up in a family where they see violence, such that the only way to deal with a relationship issue is through violence,” the relationship expert elucidated.
Drug and Alchohol
Drugs also increase one’s propensity towards violence.
“Indulging in excessive alcoholism and drugs too may impair one’s judgment making one to think and act irrationally,” he explained further.
So, what should you do?
Mr Kirunga advises young people to get into relationships when they are mature enough to handle the pressures which come with commitment.
He said: “People should commit with a bit of knowledge of what relationships entail. In the past, we used to have very clear process of going into relationships. Today it is a hit and run thing. There is no time to build relationships that are longlasting.”
Serial dating can cause pressure, pushing one over the edge.
“People engage into the deep end too fast too soon. After one or two months you discover you don’t like the person, you are tired with the relationship, and then you want out. When the other person feels betrayed, he might resort to harming you in a bid to revenge.”
Shadrack advises young people to accept fate when relationships fail, and should respect the other party’s decisions without being violent.
“They should understand that they have so much time in the future to be in proper working relationships. You do not need to resort to violence. At the end of the day, violence will beget violence. There is no relationship that can be sustained on violence.”
Mr. Kirunga urged the youth to seek counseling services when they are faced with relationship problems.
“It would really help for young people to seek counseling from older people, religious leaders, professional counselors so that they get to understand what relationships entail, and how to deal with issues.”
Shadrack also urged parents to be open with their children, and advise them on matters sex, dating and relationships.
