It is possible to date a workaholic if you're prepared to talk through the issues, develop ground rules together that both of you are happy to keep, and find compromises that both of you can live with. If you believe it's worth trying to find a way through your date's workaholism, the following steps will give you an idea of how to approach the challenge, even if it does mean ultimately that you discover that this date's just not the one for you.
Determine if your date is a workaholic. Some telltale signs include:
You're the only person outside of your date's family who is intimate. He or she has no other friends (unless they're also at the same workplace).
He or she puts aside everything in favor of work, including you.
Every time you contact your date, he or she is "still working", no matter what the hour. Your date seems to have a poor perception of time.
Even important events such as a family birthday are not enough to convince your date to drop working.
Your date answers the phone, checks and sends emails, or makes orders for new supplies all the way through a date.
Try to be understanding before jumping to negative conclusions.
It can be really frustrating when your date is never available to attend the same functions and activities as you but it is important to try and understand the drive, passion, and importance of work for your date. Learning why work is so important to your date can increase your own understanding and appreciation of the needs behind working so hard. Consider the possible reasons behind what you're seeing as workaholism.
Talk to your date about his or her work life.
Find out all that you can about what inspires and drives your date at work. Perhaps understanding this better will help you to cut them some slack. Although all of these are indicators that your date may be permanently busy, they can arouse some sympathy in you.
Look to your own beliefs and attitude about working. Ask yourself what your own attitude to work is to see whether you're making more of the matter than it deserves, or perhaps confusing ambition with work holism. If you don't think it's a good idea to do more than the bare minimum at work, or you're someone who has a job that doesn't bleed beyond set hours, you might have a very different mindset from your date about the level of dedication to work. On the other hand, if you're a reformed workaholic, or someone who believes deeply in a work-life balance, what you're observing may already be a good indicator of warning signs for your relationship's prospects. It can help to see some of the benefits of dating a workaholic.
Talk to your date about how their work holism makes you feel.
This is the point at which you might be able to reach a compromise. If so, great! Or, it might be the time when you realize that your workaholic date is taking the work holism too far and won't ever really fit you in. Tell your date how it feels to play second fiddle to his or her job and provide some factual examples of times when your date's work has interfered with your dating life together.
Agree on some ground rules.
If you feel that your date has responded well to your talk, suggest that the two of you make some ground rules, or compromises, to ensure the health of your dating life. While you will probably not get the extent of agreement to more time together that you're looking for, go into this negotiation in good faith, expecting to lower some of your own expectations as well if you're prepared to make this work.
If, after talking it through, you feel that continuing to date your workaholic date isn't going to work out, cut your losses now.
If you feel the following experiences apply to you, it's probable that your dating relationship is doomed
Look for the warning signs when dating again.
If you get out of a relationship with a workaholic because of the workaholism, always keep the signs in mind for future potential dates. It is probably a good idea not to get into a new relationship with somebody who makes dates with you but keeps canceling them at the last minute.