In our new " Keeping Up With Stella Nyanzi" we share with her crazy thoughts courtesy of her Facebook account posts.
Its a public secret that ladies most times will choose leaders according to the physical appearance. Check how Stella Nyanzi tackled the issue when her candidate Kiiza Besigye was grilled by other saloon ladies over his looks.
I was at my all-time favorite hair saloon in Wandegeya, retouching my dreadlocks and getting my finger-nails and toe-nails pampered by the in-house cutex-man. As the dreadlocks lady rolled wax into the growth of my freshly shampooed hair, and the cutex-man positioned on a short stool strategically placed in between my thighs scrabbed down my feet, I began campaigning for my presidential candidate of choice.
"Banange, I am trusting you to vote for Besigye on 18th February," I started.
"Totally, totally," the youthful cutex-man replied as he held the nail brush mid-air in one hand and waved the two-fingered FDC sign with his other hand.
"What? Besigye? No, Maama Stella," the dreadlocks lady responded.
"Yii ii, why not?" I asked.
"That Besigye of yours is not appetizing. His face scares me," she replied, unexpectedly throwing me off balance.
"You Scovia!" I exclaimed as loudly as a bullet.
"Mama Stella, I am not lying you. For me I see that Besigye is ugly. Therefore I am going to give my vote to Museveni," she explained.
"Why are you giving it to him?" I asked.
"Don't you see that Museveni has a very smooth skin which is brown like that of a baby fed only on breastmilk? Our Museveni is more handsome than your Besigye," the dreadlocks woman declared with seriousness in her voice.
Too shocked to have a ready come-back for my fellow citizen, I shook my head for a moment. How does one debate with individuals whose elections' decisions are based on what candidates skins look like? Some Ugandans are that frivolous and petty about the elections! And then I got a brain flash.
"Look at Besigye's eyes. Aren't those the biggest and gentlest eyes you have seen on any man?" I asked as I pointed at the campaign poster pasted on the saloon-door.
"By the way, you are right. His eyes are not bad at all, bambi!" She said after a few silent minutes of staring at the poster.
"You see? Now look at how his smile is deep from his heart? Have you ever seen Museveni smiling?" I asked.
"That question is hot. Tell us!" The cutex-man said while clapping his big hands and drammatically rolling his eyes up and down.
"You are right. Mzee no longer smiles. But here Besigye is smiling handsomely," Scovia announced. "Oba I vote for Besigye, how do you see, Mama Stella?"
"That is the correct thing to do. Look at those handsome rings in his dark neck? Give your vote to Besigye!" I said, playing the petty card.
"You are right. I am now going to vote for Besigye because of his beautiful big eyes, genuine smile and handsome neck. For me, I am now also voting for Besigye," she said.
"Besigye oyeee!" I said. Sisemba nakyo...